You trip and fall to your death.
Critical fail, you swallow a knife and it explodes.
"As the assassin foolishly tries to slide down the gravelly side of the mountain, he trips and slits his throat on his knife. He’s dead. Anyone else want to do anything stupid?"
"You somehow determine that the golem is made of bacon.”
"You go to search the body, but manage instead to trigger the bear trap. I’m rolling damage now."
"You shoot your unconscious bleeding cleric, roll damage. Don’t forget your favored enemy bonus."
"You fail to notice the pit in front of you as you direct your horse to walk into it."
"The mugger then proceeds to shoot his friend in the foot"
"the opponent sneezes and accidentally stabs himself to death"
"You try to pick the door, but the door picks you. You’ve been impaled."
"You let go of the bow instead of its string, and it hits you in the face before falling at your feet."
me: can i just pretend like i totally meant to do that
//rolls a nat 20 on a bluff check
"Everyone totally saw that but it looked like you completely meant to do that."
"Right. The archer in the tree just shot himself in the foot. With a Longbow. He is now pinned to the tree with a clothyard shaft. Oh look. You’re all next."
MY SCIENCE TEACHER CAUGHT THE TABLE ON FIRE AND HES JUST STARING AT IT
I LOVE SCIENCE TEACHERS
I’M SORRY BUT HOW BADLY DID HE FUCK UP READING HIS CALIPER?
Made this in an exercise of ‘Actually start something and then finish it, God dammit’.
reblogging for the 15 people who followed me based solely on this
LOOK GUYS HER COMIC HAS 1000+ NOTES :D ITS SO GOOD.
Tortall map scroll
I’ve never attempted anything quite like this so it was a bit of a shot in the dark, but I think it came out okay and I had to do it because I love Tammy’s books too much not too. It’s based off the Tortall map from PoTS for one of the UK editions. It’s entirely hand-sewn into cotton and for those who care, the border is double herringbone stitch (I think)and there are little glass beads in each corner and blanket stitch around the edge of the brown backing fabric.
I love this commercial for really obvious reasons.
WHY HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF DOING THIS?!
Living the dream
Cute music terms to name your children:
- Oboe Player
- F Sharp
- ii♭ 6-4
- Canon in inversion and augmentation
In 1967, Kathrine Switzer was the first woman to enter and complete the Boston Marathon as a numbered entry. She registered under the gender-neutral name of “K.V. Switzer”. After realizing that a woman was running, race organizer Jock Semple went after Switzer shouting, “Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers.” however, Switzer’s boyfriend and other male runners provided a protective shield during the entire Marathon. These photographs taken of the incident made world headlines.
there’s a news headline generator that mixes words from real news headlines and they are fucking golden